Early Morning Reflections
by Larry Morgan
Summary: Carter reflects on the life of a great friend


Set in 2005  
  
As the morning comes over the skyline of Chicago, I can't help but feel happy. Happy and contented at the same time. Two things have created those emotions for me. The first is sleeping in his bed, just beginning to stir. I pick him up and return to the living room, whispering to him along the way.  
  
"You take all the time you want to wake up, I'm not going anywhere."  
  
While gently walking him around I can't resist peeping in at the bedroom door, at the other object of my happiness. She is sleeping peacefully, sunlight streaming in through the window. Since she got off late last night I decide not to wake her, instead preferring to return to the lounge. As I exit through the door I pick up the photo album lying on the dresser, not quite sure how it found its way there. Still continuing a one sided conversation with my drowsy son I take a seat on our sofa and begin to flick through the memories in front of me. The first page shows a photo of the ER on Halloween about 9 years ago. Fond memories. On the second page, a photo catches my eye. It is of me and a slightly taller man with what can be kindly described as a receding hairline. I owe this man something, for he set the wheels in motion for everything I have today. Let's take a while to honour a great man.  
  
January 2000  
  
I was still a resident at this time, with a med student called Lucy Knight in tow. She was to qualify in the summer and I remember one morning distinctly when she approached me.  
  
"Hey Carter"  
  
"Hey yourself. Come on, there's an interesting patient in 4 with a heart problem we should look at"  
  
"Great, but guess what"  
  
"I give up"  
  
"God Carter you are no fun at all. I've matched in psyche for next year. I even have a choice of hospital's. Both here and in Detroit."  
  
"Fantastic. Any thoughts on which one you want"  
  
"Well, as good as my time has been here, maybe a change of scenery will occur"  
  
"You're thinking of moving?"  
  
"Maybe. What's the problem? You could only have 5 more months of me. I thought you would be jumping for joy at that news"  
  
"You obviously misread me"  
  
With a smile on both their faces, Lucy and Carter left the lounge. After attending to the heart attack victim Lucy spies Dr. Greene disappearing into the lounge. Thinking he is on a break, she makes an excuse to Carter and follows Mark. After finding him she starts.  
  
"Dr. Greene, can we talk for a few moments?"  
  
"If its about work no, anything else, yes"  
  
"It's not about work"  
  
"Good. Let's hear it"  
  
"OK, this is going to seem weird"  
  
10 minutes later I spied Lucy and Dr. Greene leaving the lounge. Quickly warning them of the incoming trauma I handed them gowns and we proceeded to the ambulance bay.  
  
After stabilising the patient and preparing him for transfer to the OR the plaudits were flowing freely around Trauma 1.  
  
"Great job Luce"  
  
"Thanks Dr. Carter"  
  
"You know what Lucy, in the first trauma I ran, the patient died on me. At least you were spared that. By the way, well done"  
  
"Thanks Dr. Greene"  
  
"You know Lucy, since you did so well in here, maybe you would like to scrub in upstairs for the surgery. That is, if it's okay with Dr. Carter"  
  
"That would be great Dr. Corday, thank you"  
  
I give a nod, then stared at Lucy as she accompanied Dr. Corday to the lift. She was beautiful; there was no other word for it. Oh shit, Dr. Greene's giving me a smile. I think I've been caught leering.  
  
"Carter, what would you say to going for a beer after the shift"  
  
"Yeah, that would be nice, it's been a rough day"  
  
"When are you off?"  
  
"Another hour. You?"  
  
"Same. Meet you in the lounge around that time"  
  
"Sure"  
  
With that he just departed, not saying anything about me staring at Lucy. Maybe he didn't notice. Oh well, back to work.  
  
The hour quickly passed and by some miracle both myself and Mark got out on time. After asking him if he had anywhere in mind, he led me to a bar opposite the station which I had occasionally been to. We talked about the usual things, work, life, then the interesting talk started.  
  
"You heard Lucy's got a match for psyche?" Mark asked.  
  
"Yeah, apparently she's looking at Detroit."  
  
"Do you think she'll go?"  
  
"Not sure, I hope she doesn't. It's kinda nice having her around. I mean, when we're not arguing."  
  
"I, er, I saw you looking at her after that trauma today. I don't think it was purely professional. Do you feel something for her"  
  
I think my awkward smile gave it away.  
  
"Carter, speaking as your mate Mark and not you're boss Dr. Greene, you should say something to her"  
  
"Look, I can't. I don't think she feels the same way"  
  
"How do you know if you don't ask her? You see that station over there. 3 years ago a woman I loved left from it. I was heartbroken for weeks afterwards because I only found the courage to tell her I loved her when it was to late. My point is, if Lucy goes to Detroit and you don't tell her how you feel, you'll regret it. Anyway, I have to go. Think about what I have said"  
  
His parting shot was  
  
"The worst question of all is What If?"  
  
An odd statement, but it made sense when I thought about it.  
  
Walking back to my apartment that night I was in a quandary, but there was one thing I was certain of. Mark was older than me, wiser, and I would be smart if I learnt from his mistake. Then again, was it a mistake? I mean, now he has Elizabeth. Truth is though, he's right.  
  
I'll never forget the advice Mark gave me that night. Three days after I found the courage to ask Lucy out to a bar and tell her how I felt. She said she felt the same way.  
  
"Thank you Dr. Greene" was all I could hear in my mind.  
  
We leaned in for a quick kiss across the table. As it broke off she said to me,  
  
"I guess I owe Dr. Greene my thanks"  
  
With that she departed. I was mystified. How could she know what he had said to me? Then it dawned on me. When I saw Lucy follow him into the lounge a few days ago, did she put him up to saying something? She must have done. Oh God, I had been completely outsmarted. Total respect to both of them.  
  
My suspicions were confirmed the next day at work when he admitted it to me. I guess Lucy had told him what had happened last night. He explained that she never had any intention of going to Detroit, and that it was all a ruse so that with the aid of Dr. Greene, I may actually "get my act together".  
  
Thanks in part to Dr. Greene, we shared 16 months together, even going through the stabbing together. But, we weren't working together anymore. I mean, we had grown apart. It was Mark again who began to set things right in our relationship, with a few sentences of wisdom in the lounge during a graveyard shift.  
  
"You know Carter, I think we change during our lives. I know I have, and, I think the person that's right for us changes with us. If you don't think Lucy is right for you any more, tell her now. The pain will be worse if you do it later"  
  
Again I had the wisdom to listen to him and I broke it off with Lucy soon afterwards. We both agreed that although we had been right together at one time, that time had passed. Our split was amicable and to this day she remains one of my best friends.  
  
Throughout the next few months he helped me a lot, telling me that I had made the right decision.  
  
What happened next was so unfair. On him, his wife, his child and the ER. It was just after Christmas 2001. Susan Lewis had come back to Chicago, it seemed everything was perfect in his life. He had Rachel, Elizabeth, Ella. Then, the tumour returned. Only this time there was no cure. It was hard for all of us to accept, but to me there was one irony which I found hard to deal with.  
  
He had an illness, but he wasn't ill. He was still at work, treating illnesses every day. That was the cruel twist, he was treating all sorts of complicated illnesses, but he couldn't treat his own.  
  
When he was diagnosed in the January the specialists told him that he had between 4 and 6 months to live. Those months were normal, he worked with us, there was no change in his skills as a doctor. But, he had an air of resignation about him. Although he was happy to be normal, he knew it wouldn't last.  
  
It was around this time that I was beginning to take an interest in Susan Lewis. Personally I mean. When I last saw her 5 years ago I didn't really know her at all, but this time was different. I had become a new person in those 5 years, and that person now wanted to get to know Susan better. The magic question was did she feel the same.  
  
It was early May, and I was just about ready to ask Susan out. Then it happened. I had just come through the doors of the ER in a happy mood when I saw the ambience in the department. I knew what had happened. Kerry informed me that he had died at around six that morning. Although I was prepared for it, I was still shocked. You may think that's an oxymoron but its true. How do you prepare yourself for a friend's death?  
  
If there was any question of how hard this had hit everyone, you just had to watch the minute's silence we had in his memory. Kerry explained that it was fitting that we should do it at 3pm, just as his shift for that day was due to start. As we stood there in a circle I glanced around. Susan was crying, as was Kerry and most of the women. Even I felt some tears sliding down my cheeks. As soon as the minute was over I departed outside to collect my thoughts.  
  
On my way back inside Kerry grabbed me and pulled me into the lounge. I had not been expecting what she was about to say.  
  
"Carter, I know it may not seem like the right time to discuss it, but, well, with Mark gone we are short of an attending. He requested that you be considered for the job, and I agree with him."  
  
It would be a privilege and honour to occupy a post that Mark did. I said yes without hesitation.  
  
Another week had passed until I realised that I was still interested in Susan. It gave me a sense of déjà vu that I had been in the same situation with Lucy, not having the balls to ask her out. Only then I could hide behind the rules. This time, though, there were no excuses. But it wasn't that easy, the person who advised me before was gone, although, I still had the advice. Remembering what he had said to me about asking Lucy out it occurred to me that I should take strength from it and go to Susan. Which I did, and the result was kind of what I had been hoping for. We managed to hit it off instantly and before long I was in a steady relationship. You can guess how it went from there. We were married in August 2002, and our first child arrived in July 2003. We were blessed with a baby boy, and we both agreed that there was only one name for him. Mark. At the time I was struck with a phrase. "Out of death, comes life".  
  
I can hear Susan stirring in the bedroom, and on my shoulder Mark is now fully awake.  
  
"Daddy, we play trains"  
  
"Of course we can"  
  
I put him down on the floor next to his train set and he begins to push the engines around the track happily.  
  
As I close the photo album I have a few thoughts before Susan comes over to me.  
  
What have I got to thank Mark Greene for? Easy, my job, my wife and my child.  
  
Truly a great man, who helped me as a student and a friend. I vow never to forget him.  
  
Susan comes in and kisses our son. "Mammy" he says excitedly. She then kisses me.  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
"Someone who I am indebted to" was my reply. 


End file.
